Recently I can’t help but ponder on what I really want. Of course I want a degree and a job and family and all of that predictable stuff, but I need a life filled with colors.
Today in psychology we learned about intelligence and creativity and it was said that people who have traveled and experienced several different cultures, become much more creative and open minded in life. I want to be like that. I know that I’m already creative and slightly open minded but I can’t help but ignore this craving that I hold for a life of color, spontaneity, and euphoria. Its just so difficult to describe what I truly want with these ideas but I need constant rejuvenation and moments that make me feel pure and content in life.
At the moment I feel sort of trapped and tied down. Partially because its still snowing and today was the first day of spring… I want journeys, adventures, explorations and I can’t seem to find anyone to share that with. Of course I know people that share similar interests with me but a thought entered my mind the other day about wanting a copy of myself. Now who the hell would want that? It seemed to be the craziest thought I’ve encountered yet. So, where did this thought derive from? The fact that I can’t pursue these journeys on my own and by myself and that I want to share every moment about it with someone else. Who wouldn’t want that?
These feelings I have are so similar to looking at a sunset or sunrise and just staring at it with no care in the world while standing on a beach barefoot and grasping every single sense surrounding you. The aroma of the air and water, the tickling of the slight breeze on your neck, the miniscule grains of sand collapsing onto the top of your foot and taking large long breaths that are secured with pureness.
It’s like you’re standing on top of a high hill or mountain and taking everything in. Gazing across other hilltops and wondering who lives in the houses below. What sort of life do they live. Are they happy? Alone? Single? Your eyes scan the horizon back and forth several times to leave your mind content with this moment and free your it of thoughts. Time stops but your heart keeps beating. The trees cover all of the land below and you wonder what would happen if you fall into it. The risk in your mind takes a little leap but then turns to fight off unrealistic events.
Moments like that are ones that are never forgotten and are forever compared to events that are just as amazing. At this point, it’s okay to wait for those opportunities and once they arise, the only way to fulfill my needs is to take it and run. For now, the waiting game will suffice.