Most mornings I wake up earlier than the typical young adult would in college, considering most of my classes do not even begin until noon. Why not waste away early hours? But, when I do wake up around 930 am, ready to get some work done, I start by brewing a K-Cup and booting up my HP. Once I form a stream of focus, the most lovely and outrageous thoughts flow into my head. Whether i’m completing an assignment at the last minute or just drawing in my sketch pad, I never fail to have a rejuvenating morning. I like that these sacred mornings are special because I have yet to encounter such ideas at any other point in the day. After the sun rises, my mind is ready for new information, it’s well rested, and fresh than the day before. Usually towards the late afternoon, I want to crash and hide in my cave.
While I could be documenting these random thoughts, I find myself reading for a last minute assignment or studying for Psychology. In the midst of these tasks, I will develop a fascination for ultimately finding a job and making a lot of money and being the happiest girl in the world. Well, it’s obviously much more difficult than that. Then, I subconsciously decide that I will work out for one thousand hours and burn every calorie swallowed but never get tired. Quite absurd.
During my last two years of high school, this series of events would occur mostly on the weekends with a similar patterns. On Saturday or Sunday mornings, or whenever I wasn’t bowling for a league, I would wake up, have some coffee, tidy up my life and show my rabbit some lovin. There is no doubt in my mind that these thoughts found me much more frequently back then, because I couldn’t wait to break free of the routine of what I had always known. Now that I have escaped such circumstances, I want more, more, more. I want so much more out of life. Perfection if you will. Seeing as that I am on my own a majority of the time, why wouldn’t I wish for the best of the best?
In reality, I most certainly can work out. Just not for one thousand hours. I also may be able to find a job and make money, but of course not without any bumps in the road or searching for the notorious ‘Now Hiring’ sign. The question of this matter is, why do I experience such bizarre ideas before 1130 am? Even when I’m working on something else, my mind wanders and runs to unrealistic measures that I cannot so easily accomplish. Sure its wonderful to hold such aspirations, but if only they were as capable to be conquered.
These morning desk moments that approach my existence at such early hours helps me in numerous ways. For one, I know that when I wake up, I’m almost always going to want to sit down with coffee that is mixed with low fat half and half and simply ponder away about life and the wonders of the world. The process of only imagining is much less than actually pursuing. What I mean by that is, is that free spirit deep down inside, attempts to crawl out into the real world during these mornings of mine. She (we’ll say she) feels trapped inside without hope and I don’t blame her for showing her true colors. But she must know, that the exploration of those colors will become apparent sooner or later. So, be patient Missy and allow me to silently sip coffee with my $3 Walmart mug and various ever so strange revelations.
“This terrifying world is not devoid of charms, of the mornings that make waking up worthwhile.”
~Wislawa Szymborska