My daily routines have suddenly changed because of high school ending, which has given me so much time acquire plenty of thoughts to share on here. Today marked the start of the second week out of the ole brick building. But anyway, about three weeks ago I discovered a new local 5k race in which I assumed would be simple because there were obstacles involved, as well as lots and lots of mud. Yep, a mud race. So, this past weekend one of my friends and I teamed up and took on Mud Mania 2 without any clue of what was to come. Neither of us trained prior or even ran to prepare even just a little bit. There was a lot of mud, knee scrapes, weak obstacles and a different state of mind in the end.. for me at least.
Like I said, neither of us were prepared, but I was less than anything. Showing up to a race nervous, then seeing multiple athletic, track, gym goers, made my mind dash to failure. I usually preach about pushing towards success and goals and working hard to get what you want out of life, and Saturday, I could have really used some of my own advice. I had two sides speaking to me as I warmed up for the race. “You’ll do fine, it’ll be nothing, there’s no way you’ll need to walk”, but then on the flip side, “Why are you even here? There’s no way you will make it even half way through this”. So how can you decide on a mediator? I didn’t. I went through the run with most of my might and tried to have as much fun as possible. There were a lot of trails, a lot of water and mud and huffing and puffing. I’m most definitely not the kind of runner to travel in the woods, or any surface for that matter. Some people are blessed with the ability to run without struggle, and some, like me, have to find some way to gather the mental capacity to push my body further. During the race I honestly tried my best, at least I thought I did… But then why in the world did I contain the thoughts I did afterwards?
I seriously felt like I left myself down, as well as my team mate. I felt weak and worthless and wanted an immediate do over. Usually I realize how hard I tried and that that was all I could do, but I wasn’t experiencing those thoughts. But all of the negativity just made me realize how much harder I must work for myself. Working for your own self-esteem, conscious, or goals is much better and more important than working for others and proving yourself to someone that doesn’t really matter. I am a strong believer in making yourself a better person for as long as it takes or for how many start overs are necessary. Life is too short to think so lowly of yourself, or myself, so why not spend every day making compliments count?
