Thoughts from a funeral

I was chewing green stride gum and I shouldn’t even chew gum because I have braces. But, I tried for the first time yesterday. It got really soggy and lost behind a tooth, to the point where you had no choice but to swallow it. The saliva in my mouth was all I tasted as the tension blew at us through the entrance way.

I broke down when we saw the TV fading pictures in and out of his face from an early age to months before death.

The best family pictures are before or after a funeral because that’s when everyone looks their best. It’s also the time where you have to figure out which cousin is which, and meet an aunt you’ve never met before, but have always heard the name. It used to be a time of peace and goodbyes and a time to reflect on memories with the loved one. Now its about being brushed by family you used to create memories with, but they no longer recognize you. It’s about being in and now to pay your respects.

There’s something oddly satisfying about an open casket. Flipping through pictures isn’t as realistic. It puts you in the moment. Unfortunately I couldn’t see my dad like that. Instead he was dead for a week without makeup or his favorite shirt; a cheap hospital gown instead.

I don’t understand why people decide to live their life in a spiteful way. It hurts others.  I’m grateful to be a part of my dad’s family even after any issues that happened when I was younger. It’s not about forgiving and forgetting. It’s about being selfless and giving someone else the same opportunities you have. Whether it be loving another or talking to another, just having a relationship that will affect you is so important. Holding grudges or having hate for another is unhealthy.

Today I learned a lot about family in 10 minutes that only took 51 years for it to crumble.

Today I’m blessed to have woken up with good hearted people still surrounding me.

XO

Have a great weekend.